Returning To Yourself (Instead Of Becoming Someone Else)

We talk a lot about becoming the person we’re meant to be.

But what if part of the journey isn’t about becoming something new? What if it’s about returning to parts of yourself that were always there?

In this episode, we explore the idea that life may actually be a journey back to yourself, rediscovering passions, instincts, and pieces of identity that may have been shaped, silenced, or set aside over time.

Join us for a thoughtful conversation about identity, growth, and what it really means to find your way back to yourself. 

Pull up a seat and come sit with us.

Two sisters. Big feelings. Real conversations.

Seen and Heard is where Tami and Tessanne talk through life’s twists and turns, from parenting and partnership to purpose, wellness, identity, and everything in between.

Sometimes it’s deep, sometimes it’s funny, always it’s honest. Pull up a seat , you can sit with us. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Do I feel a little far? Sometimes I watch a video and I'm like, we feel far. I feel cold. It's a little cold. You feel better? You feel good? You feel comfortable?

SPEAKER_04 0:20

We can start. Let's just have a little centering.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:28

No, I'm being very serious. I have to send a babe.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Hold on. You know what I like to think about when we sit here? I just like to think how much we like to do this. Yes. Like it's just uh like sometimes we just have to remind ourselves we like to do this.

SPEAKER_04 0:47

I do very much. Even when life gets hectic.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Yeah. Ready? On the toit. Sava be a messy. Hi everybody. Hi. Welcome back to scene and heard. Tessie, please can we get a song? Sure. I think it would be so nice to just have a little bit of a side.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

We'll try to fit it in at some point.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

We know all the things we're doing. But I think we also need to nail down an intro. I was listening to a podcast. And I just, you know, kind of clicked on two episodes. And the it was actually a couples podcast. And you listen to a lot of podcasts.

SPEAKER_04 1:34

I do.

SPEAKER_00 1:34

I do. I love podcasts. It's like my thing. And they were like, you know, welcome to da da da. I used to have one, but it was too long. But I feel like we need a set one where we're just like, welcome to Seen and Heard. We're da-dee-dee-dee-dee and bloody blah di blah.

SPEAKER_04 1:48

I have to give you a joke.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:51

So mommy was watching Seen and Heard on the TV the other day, the episode that we did. And thank you so much for that love. Thank you for so much of the love for mommy as well. She's she's she's in her element, you know. Um and it was just so lovely to see all those messages and share with you about you know your mom's your stories. Um it was lovely. It was, yeah, it was really nice. But sorry, back to my story. And um, she was watching it on the TV, and Ayla and Zai came in and they were watching it too. And then Zai like went back through all the whole podcasts and particularly the one where I was pregnant with Ayla. And she just wanted to watch that one over and over again, I guess, because I was pregnant. But I was just thinking it goes back to what you were saying about like having that documented so that they can see that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 2:45

Ivy made me watch you told me to not put it on standards. Not not not in the podcast.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

I'm just saying, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

Ivy Ivy had me go over her entire birth story last night. She's obsessed with her own birth. It's wonderful and being a baby, and she wants to know all the details. And so last night I was like, I can show you. I can actually show you when you were born, and I can show you the videos of the day you were born, the hours, the days, the months. Like, I have it all. And I was telling Wayne about it today. By the way, she reverts to full baby every time we talk about her being a baby or whatever. And I was saying to Wayne today, I was like, isn't it crazy that we will never know what our day of birth was like? Never. Or growing up, we have no childhood videos, really. Um, we may have one or two on like a VCR or somewhere somewhere, but who knows where that is. I have no idea about my intonations, I have no idea about how I was. I I don't know. Yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 4:05

But maybe we have a few still like like baby baby pictures as well. It's not like these kids that have thousands. We have like maybe a good six.

SPEAKER_00 4:13

Yeah. I don't know what I look like as a baby. No, neither do I.

SPEAKER_04 4:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

And also we don't have any, like our parents didn't have a camcorder, so we don't have any of those either. We did have a one uncle who got time the other day. I should I should actually be like, can you just compile whatever you have? But he was like our family videographer. He was blogging, blogging. Yeah, so important.

SPEAKER_04 4:39

But I guess it kind of to just remember the music and the graphics. It took a lot of effort. He was very good.

SPEAKER_00 4:47

Excellent editor.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Very good.

SPEAKER_00 4:50

It made me think about this topic that we have today because it's something that we we heard the word becoming a lot in the last couple years. I think Michelle Obama herself made the word becoming so um iconic. It's it became like everybody's motto, it became everybody's theme, and I loved becoming, and I love the idea of us becoming us and the versions of us that we are now, and that in some sense we're always becoming. And to add to that, something that feels really good to me personally, and we've spoken about on this podcast many times, but we kind of want to unpack it a little today, is this idea that somehow our becoming is intrinsically tied to our returning and returning to parts of ourselves that we have had to let go of, parts of ourselves that society has dumbed down, parts of ourselves that between family, school, um, friends kind of got muted a little and turned down, or probably um changed or altered for survival.

SPEAKER_04 6:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 6:06

100%. And what are some of those parts that we need to return to and that may be laying dormant or quiet, but we need to tap into those parts of ourselves a little more. So we talk about having our children, and we see so much of ourselves in them, but it's never like versions of us now. It's always like, you remember when we used to be so brave or so fearless or unfiltered, unfiltered, blunt, Tessan? So much. Let me tell you too much. I wish you guys, well, you're seeing a return.

SPEAKER_04 6:48

The return of a mother.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

Because growing up, Tessan was the much child you'd ever met. Yeah. She was vivacious, loud, blessed. Blown extrovert. Faced people. Certain people. Not everyone. You were not a people person. You just weren't afraid. Just say it like it was. Or to enter a conversation. You weren't a people person. You didn't like who you didn't like and you liked who you liked. Still the same. But when I think of Tessie in that way, well, now we see it in Zaya full speed.

SPEAKER_04 7:35

And Ala.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

And Ala. But Zaya specifically because she walks into a room and she is the room. She is the mood. She is the moment. She's the moment.

SPEAKER_04 7:45

But I don't feel I'm like that right now.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I know.

SPEAKER_04 7:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:48

And it brings me to this. Yeah. Yeah. Also an important part of your personality. But we say this to say it's a part of you I love to see you returning to a little bit. You might not return all the way there. Nobody, I mean, we must, you know, we return um with all of the knowledge, wisdom, and discernment we have as adults. But I'm talking about your fire. I'm talking about your um, you're just I don't care. I'm just gonna, this is how I feel. This is and I and I think that's something as women we all need to return to a little more. Is that just well, who cares?

SPEAKER_04 8:28

You're gonna make me cry on this podcast. But you know, you're not gonna make my eyes well.

SPEAKER_00 8:35

Oh, Tess. No, but it's true. It's a big deal to see that happen for you. And I think it's it's the essence of what we mean when we say returning to who we are, and returning not to who we are, but to ourselves. Yeah. And really looking at ourselves and saying, well, what parts of me have I not taken along on this journey? Or yeah, forgotten part of it.

SPEAKER_04 9:01

Some of us not even that you don't take along, you just kind of forget. Like you say, you're in other parts of yourself have to step forward to um to come through and to live and to do what you have to do, you know, and to survive. Can I ask what parts of your childhood do you see coming through now? Like what parts of little Tommy do you see shining in you now as a as a positive, as a as a returning?

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Yeah. So I always was very, and I see this in in Ivy, I was always very aware of everybody around me and what was happening, and very conscious of the fact that I was a part of all of this. But I always felt like, and I see it on her too, so that's how I can recognize it now. Almost like I felt like people were seeing me. Does that make sense? And it's just interesting to look at her now, like every time she wouldn't sometimes she wouldn't even let herself smile. Like, you know what I mean? Like she's so like she won't even, yeah, she's so self-conscious. And I never had like what you had that like vivacious, like in the room. I was very like introverted. Don't look at me, don't look at me, actually. Yeah, but then in the in the right room, in the under the right circumstances, I came to life.

SPEAKER_04 10:39

I remember when I saw that happen in public for the first time, and it was we were doing an audition in little people for the chiffon ad. That's right, and you have to understand, like, I I know the different versions of Sissy, so I know the the quiet reserve, like, don't come near me. She's learned very well how to to overrule that now. But I know that part of you, and I know the part of you that is just center stage, you know, the the the the the center of it all. And I remember she I actually joined Little People First because of uh the obvious, you know, wanting to be on stage or whatever. And Tammy watched for an entire year because she was like, I'm gonna suss this out. But I learned the whole show, but she knew everything, right? She came to every performance, missed nothing, all right. So ivy. Yeah, and then she wasn't even in Little People. No, no, no, no. I was in by You are the only person that did you audition for Little People? Yeah. No, you were in Little People when you got through for the the opera. Well, I saw Tammy go up on that stage, and I remember she just transformed in this to this performer, and I went, Wow, baby, you do make good.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

Like I always do you would. And it brings me to that point, and I was like, whoa! Yeah, I love my because before I auditioned for that, I knew I was gonna get it. Like I had this, I had this deep knowing that I was gonna show up and show up.

SPEAKER_04 12:17

We've never spoken about this.

SPEAKER_00 12:18

Oh my gosh, it was one of the things I was so confident about, and I went there. It's the same thing when I auditioned for it too, and anything I'd ever like put myself up for, I always had this deep confidence that I was gonna get it. Even in like high school, when like I auditioned for that lead role, I just knew I was gonna get it. Like I had this deep confidence in myself, and I feel myself kind of returning to her, who's just like, you know, win, lose, or draw, go for it, try it, show up, go all in, go all in, and and that's the thing. Like, I never left anything like I always would give it there. I left it all there. Yeah, and I do remember that day because I remember I can see all the heads turning. Yeah, it was like a literal everything in the room went because I was so quiet and reserved, but you were also good, yes, yeah, yes, and so that gave me the confidence to then try out forever role after that in Little People at school. Like I was like, I'm just gonna try. Even if I failed, I was gonna try and I was gonna give it my all. And I really try to tap into that so much going forward that I'll give it my all while I'm there.

SPEAKER_04 13:37

Um I have another thing that I've noticed, and I could only put these two together because of Ivy, and we've spoken about it before. So anybody that knows Tammy knows she loves food, she's a foodie. But when we were growing up, it did not appear that way. But now I realize it's because too much attention was brought to it. And they were just like, Yeah, that's too much. I'm just gonna stop that right now, and just appear to be a picky eater.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah, and you weren't a picky eater, you enjoyed your food. Yeah, I was a picky eater. There were things I just didn't like, but once I had the meal I liked.

SPEAKER_04 14:16

Even if it was a meal, if you look at Tammy and you gave her her favorite meal and you said, Oh, you're not gonna finish that, she just loses her appetite.

SPEAKER_00 14:22

I didn't like the attention to it. Yeah, so true.

SPEAKER_04 14:25

And I remember thinking, but this picnic did love our food. I did. She just never loved the the attention. But that clicked for me with seeing how much Ivy loves her food.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

So Ivy has watched her brothers swim for weeks before she decided she could go in the pool. Like she had to come, familiarize herself, know the coach, X, Y, Z, before she finally just said, okay, I'll do it now. Me no, me no like, me no like, me no. Interesting having to raise versions of yourself while you figure these things out. Amen. But I think that's a great question for you all too. What is that thing about who you were when you were little that maybe you don't even identify with as an adult now that you could maybe reach for or try to get back in touch with or um just get connected to again? I think it might be interesting for you guys to know that as we sit here, we were completely opposite to what you see now. Like Tessie was completely extroverted and out there, and I was one who was quiet and I don't want to say shy. Socially awkward. Very same now, hate.

SPEAKER_04 15:45

If you see me, no, I'm I'm the worst. I think people are like, I am a little socially awkward, and it's weird because I can show up and it reads sometimes-ish. I'm not sometimes, I'm just shy, and I'm very yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

It's an odd thing, and then when we moved to England, we switched personalities in some some way, shape, or form. Completely, but um it just shows you there's room for evolving, there's room for changing, there's room for growing.

SPEAKER_04 16:12

We needed these parts of ourselves too. Yes, because we needed to survive, and you needed to be that to survive England, and I needed to do the inward thing to survive England. So crazy.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

That is one of the things I want to talk about is this idea of the difference between survival versus authenticity, and this idea that sometimes we become different versions of ourselves to survive to simply survive a season of life. But knowing when you need to release that season of life is gone, and then it's actually hindering. Yes, yes, and so some examples of that might be career expectations, motherhood, cultural pressures. We were talking about that today, um, and even like relationship roles.

SPEAKER_04 17:00

Um family, family roles, yes, what you expect me to be, and how you expect me to show up is not actually who I am anymore.

SPEAKER_00 17:09

Yeah, and what's the difference between the survival and who I truly am? Right.

SPEAKER_04 17:13

The authenticity of that, and being given this giving yourself the space to change that. Because that's scary too, you know, to show up in a different way than you normally do. Especially with the your your closest.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

Sometimes we talk about motherhood and um we talk about this idea of trying to be parents at our um, I don't want to call it gentle parenting, because we're not great at gentle parenting, but we're definitely a little bit more on the on the side of hearing out our kids, having conversations with them. I think they get to say a lot more than probably we got to say when we were kids. We're not quick to, you know, decide everything is rude and naughty and I'm quick to tell you when that's enough.

SPEAKER_04 18:01

Yes, we also have a clear line.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

Yeah. And we were just saying how sometimes when we have to be so self-regulated and controlled, it almost feels inauthentic to who we actually are. Yeah. Sometimes it doesn't feel natural for me to be that type of parent, even though we're well practiced and versed in it. There are some times when I feel like as mothers, we're just always taking it on the chin and we're always kind of just um suppressing how we're feeling and regulating ourselves above our own dysregulation to try and help our children in this moment. And so part of it is survival as well, but part of it also doesn't feel like it's true or fair to us.

SPEAKER_04 18:51

I heard the best thing from um our sister-in-law. I was having this conversation with our beautiful sister-in-law, Rachel, about that very same thing, feeling like, gosh, how much do we take on the chin? How much do we have to kind of swallow and breathe? And and she said something so wonderful. She goes, Yeah, you know, you you you regulate and all that, but there are times when I just let down and I cry, and I'm just like, you have an effect too. You can cause this sort of an emotion in someone, and I can feel and show you that this is a lot for me, and you you play a part in that also, because it's not about teaching them that they just get off scotch-free either, or that they're they're not able to affect the room and affect other people, also. And so it was so powerful and so um liberating to hear her say that as a mom of three, you know, that will I show them also that I have my feelings too, and I am at my breaking point sometimes too, and it's because of what is happening. Yeah, I don't know if I said it in the right way, Rach. Forgive me.

SPEAKER_00 20:02

It was beautiful how you said it. Um, I remember a doctor saying that to me once because I was talking to them about uh a situation at home with one of the kids, and I remember her saying to me, you know, whichever child it is also plays a role in this. And just like because I was talking about the fact how I'm always repairing. I feel like I'm always repairing and saying, you know, boy, I'm sorry about how I spoke to you earlier, da da da. This is after, you know, whatever. And she said to me, it's really important that your kids also learn to come to you and say, and I am sorry about XYZ. It's not always just, you know. But that said, we're not like these easy, we're also not easy breezy, like we have we like we said, we have a lot of these lines sometimes that we have to look at that are also cultural pressures that we spoke about earlier, that we have to also challenge all the time. And that we feel, again, is that something that is truly ours, or just something that it we think we have to do, and that makes us good parents. Right. Because we also grew up in a country that wants us to be vigilant about manners, and your children mustn't be disrespectful and that's not a thought outside of what may be your thoughts.

SPEAKER_04 21:25

Almost, yes, it's almost like or outside of your beliefs, they mustn't question anything, right? But that's not how it works. That's not how it works.

SPEAKER_00 21:32

So I'm sure there are a lot of young moms out there who are also challenged by this and sometimes think, well, how much of this is mine and how much of this is really just um expectations of trauma pass down from one household to the next.

SPEAKER_04 21:47

Yeah, exactly. That's a good point.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

And so it's about returning also to what feels good and to what feels true and to what feels authentic to you, and assessing. It well enough and sitting with it long enough to truly decide what is yours and what is our countries, our cultures, our religion, our families, our religion, somebody else's. Because that's what we mean when we say returning to yourself. What is it that I truly think and feel about this? Because at the end of the day, I'm telling you, when your kids are grown, they're coming back to you with all the stuff, right? So let it at least be that at the time it felt authentic to you. Right, wrong, or otherwise. Make sure it was because you had these feelings and these thoughts, and it's not because, well, I just saw me it grow. So we just did do that.

SPEAKER_04 22:45

I think the biggest takeaway for me as well is just in the best way I can, and in the best way I can survive, is seeing those wonderful things in my children that I'd like to nurture and keep alive. You said something so wonderful on the Meet the Mitchells podcast. We had a discussion about it, about really celebrating those things that we want to recognize. We don't sure we just come from God, we know things. And it's almost as if unfortunately we help these little beings to forget. And it's almost like, no, we have to we have to remind them, you know, we have to keep them in that true like the purest version of who they are before the world got to it. Yeah, you know, and we all know who that version of ourselves are. I know who that version of me was before the world, and all the the stuff got in there to tell me that this wasn't good, this was too much, this wasn't enough. You know, my my job as a parent is to, of course, to guide you and to, you know, do my best to prepare you, but it is also to remind you of these wonderful things that you are when the road gets tough, and to tell you that this is actually like an asset, it's not a downfall, it's not a bad thing, it's just going to serve you, even though those things maybe was kicking my ass right now and triggering me.

SPEAKER_00 24:37

Triggering me triggered, yeah, but how many times a week do we hear ourselves doing those things with our kids, you know? Several times, several times a day, and it's all rooted in fear, and it's rooted in my fear for the experience you're gonna have if you be this way. Yeah, it's such a wild thing. It's like, can you just keep can you not do it now and just be like this when you're an adult? It's like I love you being so um spirited, and I love that you question everything, but could you just do that when you become an adult? Yeah and not not now. Don't do it to me, please.

SPEAKER_03 25:15

Please, you know, not to me, darling. I can't.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

It's so hard to balance that out and be like, well, I want you to ask questions, but not to me. Yeah, not right now. I think you know what I mean. That's been five to ten years. You know what? There are days when I have more patience for it and more bandwidth for it, and there are days when I don't. I mean, just have to just recon with that and say, God, give me strength and just praise say we get there in at the end. Amen. But thank you, Lord. These are all things that we have to look at and just question sometimes now as adults. So now we want to talk about this idea that there is like a midlife realization. So we're talking about in the 30s. Yes, it's not a midlife crisis, it's a midlife realization. And you will hear women in their 30s or 40s, and I want to include men in this too, by the way. Um, they go through a midlife realization too. It's not just a woman thing. I'll have y'all know.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

They got their menopauses.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

There were menopauses. But no, on a serious note, there is this pull in your 30s and your 40s back to yourself. And it's interesting how it shows up sometimes. And sometimes it shows up through creativity, it can show up through career changes, it can show up through even relationship changes, it can show up through setting boundaries, um, and also just this desire to reclaim some joy or just you, yeah. And so these are clues that you are somehow returning to who you are. Creativity has been a big one for me, and and I say to you all the time, I feel like because we are creatives, we don't get a lot of opportunity outside of our maybe music or whatever, to to actually be creative creative and create just for fun, not and I affirm, you know what I've always said about the creative dollars.

SPEAKER_04 27:26

If you don't spend them, it's like it's I believe it does something to you. Like it it there's something that happens within you when you as a creative person are not fulfilling that or creating in some way.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

Can I say also though that I believe everybody is a creative person? So I think creative people often you feel like it linked to artists, dancers, artists, you know what that's your creativity shows up in so many different ways. Yes, and even your ability to think on your feet or figure out a problem that's all creativity. Yeah, and so when we talk about the creative life, which I love um Elizabeth Gilbert, she's always talking about the creative life. If you haven't read Big Magic, magic is like creative, you must read it. Uh, and because you know, it's as you said, you gotta spend those dollars. Yes, yes. So I met this wonderful lady the other day. I'm so glad you reminded me of this just now. It just sparked in me. And her name is Lorna D. And we met at the what you call it author, yes, at the flow event. And Lorna D came up to me and we were talking, and she just said to me, You know, we were she was saying, I'm so inspired by how you just changed courses and you did something new, blah blah blah. She goes, That really inspired me, and I decided I was gonna write a book. And I was like, Really? She was like, I'm 55 years old, I've never written a book in my life. I love that. I'm self-published.

SPEAKER_04 28:52

God and Miss Lorna.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

And Lorna wrote this book. I'm actually gonna put all the information at the bottom of the screen because I don't have it here with me now and I don't want to get it wrong. But Lorna D has written a book, taught herself how to publish that. She told me that she had ordered like 25 copies just to see what would happen, and she's almost sold out. It's a semi-erotic book. We all need that. So she she she just went right out of the box and did the thing that she, you know, she could have been so worried, and I'm sure she was, about what are people gonna think about me writing a book like this. But then I think about the author of books like Fifty Shades of Grey that just became these mega smash hits, and her creative dollars became real dollars, you know, all because she had this idea. And I just looked at this woman in front of me, and I just thought to myself, how inspiring that you decided, you know what, I'm gonna spend my creative dollars. And she told me her story about how she wrote her book, and I said, Please, is it okay if I share this on uh scene and heard? And she was like, just make sure you tell everybody it's a semi-erratic book. She said, Go read it first and then tell them. I said, No, I'm gonna just talk about it. I this is my disclaimer, I've never read the book, I haven't read it yet, but I will definitely go and check it out because I'm just so proud that she did that.

SPEAKER_04 30:16

I love that. That takes real um, real I don't want to say bravery because I want to say something else, but it takes real balls.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

She has the corners, yeah. She has guts, she has guts. It's just amazing to me. And it she gave me some little guts to that day. They come here say, We are waiting. That's right. Look how long you have for right that book you. Yeah, and you're just a weight weight and a lady. Best fellow.

SPEAKER_04 30:46

Yeah, and you're just free. A foolishness, man. But you know what? All this reminds me of. I saw a quote the other day that said really it leads back lovely with this that women in our midlife are returning to the the girls that we were at, whether it's 16 or 12 or whatever that age, but this time we like her. We like those girls, we like that girl that we were, and you know, just embracing that. And I think that is what is the difference as well, is that we're at an age and stage where we can actually embrace those parts of ourselves and appreciate it. Yes, you know what? That was that is actually really cool about me.

SPEAKER_00 31:27

Yeah, you know, yeah. I remember, I mean, even when I used to have my hair all kinds of different colors. You remember T? No, it's so funny because that's another thing that like I would be super conscious of. So even though you see me change my hair color, I do it now with all of this like self-awareness and judgment, as opposed to just that's a way for me to express myself. Yeah, and now I look at it and I think people must think I look so childish.

SPEAKER_04 31:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

Or people must think that I am just I don't know. It's not something an adult woman should do. Should. Should key word, you know? And so who made these rules, please? I don't know. So you might be seeing my hair color change soon, who knows? But it's simple things like that that we have to assess and look at and wonder where these things come from.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

And if we can I can tell you where it comes from. Good on then. It's from the men.

SPEAKER_04 32:26

I'd rather I saw some encourages you. I've been scrolling too hard. Yeah. But I saw something the other day that said, you know, if they reframed menopause into a woman coming into her absolute power. Oh, it'd be dangerous. Being something that has been framed as this diminishment diminishing and this losing and this no, and apparently, you know, back in the the days, the women who had gone through menopause were the sages. They were the ones that gave the advice. They were sound, they were wise, they had seen a couple things. That's when you get the most value. It's like it's like throwing out the wine before it has a moment to really bless you with that age. You said a word, baby. No, because it's something I'm passionate about. If it had been reframed and sold to us at what it truly is, and I'm not saying it doesn't cause absolute upheaval because I know women who are going through perimenopause, menopause, and it's a lot. But at the same time, it is also the the birth, it is the solidification of your right as a woman to be exactly who you are in an unapologetic way and to show up and say, Simea. Well, you just reframed that for me. Well, praise God. Thank you to the Instagram that did it.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

I love that, and thank you for sharing that because it if we do have to put the power back where we have been made powerless or feel like we are somehow defective in that way. Exactly, you know, exactly. I love the idea that it truly is a coming, it's a birth.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

But then to have the completion of that, of your childbearing years, it does not mean that your worth goes out with that. It means that something else has taken that something else is there now, you know, and it's just I think it's a very powerful thing that we um have been taught to just look at as um the ending, the loss of being able to have children or loss of your monthly you know, it really is the beginning of some magical shit. Powerful. And I like I said, I've seen that with the the older women in our family who are brave enough and just a little bit, you know, kooky enough to kind of sit down in that.

SPEAKER_00 34:56

Yeah, you know. Well, may we be those women too, you know, who and that's that's the whole reason why we do this week after week, is that we are we are trying to navigate this narrative for ourselves too.

SPEAKER_02 35:08

And if I am here on the podcast whilst going through the menu, oh my gosh, we might be. I'll let you know, darling.

SPEAKER_04 35:15

We'll be like, if I feel powerful or if I feel like I just want to, you know. I'll let you know, darling.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

That's okay though. I want to know what did you love when you were, I don't know what age it is, but is it when you were 10, when you were 12, even I would say even when you were 16? What parts of yourself did you love about yourself that you are having a hard time accessing now sometimes? And I guess our final question would be what part of yourself do you never want to lose? What parts of yourself have you um maybe returned to, or you can think about that time and and and say, you know what, I want to get that back and I never want to lose it. I want you to have a think about that as you move through your week this week, as you move through your day. Um I want to I want you to think about this, you know, for for those of you who have littles around, think about how your your children around you are showing you all the things that maybe you once were, and hopefully be mindful about how you are protecting that space. As Tessie said earlier, we were talking about the Jinnal in um and Meet the Mitchells, and the story she was talking about was Malcolm Gladwell saying how his mom used to call him a ginnal when he did something naughty, but he knew when she said it. She wasn't saying it to be like you're so naughty, you're so rude. She said it knowing that something I recognize in you that I want to keep alive. And what can you see in your own kids now? That little thing that maybe you don't have anymore or you're trying to access that you want to keep alive in them. And maybe they're your gateway to help you bring that back. Maybe you can join them, maybe you can have a little fun with them, maybe you can let the guard down a little and just, you know, be a different version of yourself. And I do want you to assess all of the rules and all of the pressures and all of the expectations. And I want you to look at those and say, what is mine truly? What do I really stand by and what I what do I not agree with anymore? What do I want to change? I think that's a big part of parenting that we don't realize that we can do. You know that thing that say, I forgot I had free will. Yeah, I can eat ice cream at 10 o'clock if I want. You know, I love that. Is that a round of case? I forgot I have free will sometimes to also change and challenge things that I do and change them. If I decide that, you know, I was listening to a podcast today. And this man, right, Tessie, he is like um, I want to say he, I can't I can't remember now. He's like maybe a neuroscientist or something. And he said that his mom never really too believed in a school. Check it, you know. She was like some top science researcher, like she was like uh a big gun. And she was like, I don't believe in exams, I don't believe in school. So she put no pressure on her child to go to school, and especially on exam days, if it didn't want to stay home, she had a big library at home. She said, if you want to read, go read. We will talk about things later. And I just thought that's crazy in my mind. I was like, This is crazy, but I was like, it's only crazy if you're pushing your child through a certain system. And to her, she was like, I'm gonna do this this way. Yeah, I mean, he's he still became a neuroscript. That's crazy, that's amazing. It's insane. No, it's not that black and white. But my point is there are people in this world who long, long, long, long ago and still now are challenging some of these ideas that we have as you know, this is the way and it's the only way. And I think when you have children, they remind us that we can find it. Yeah, school is a big one for me. I want to do a whole podcast on our education system and how it just is not a one-size-fits-all, but it's not that's a future episode that we are going to get into, and I look forward to having the right guests here with us to really unpack that.

SPEAKER_04 39:36

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

So, yeah, those are our thoughts right now.

SPEAKER_04 39:40

And um What's something do you want to do this week that would connect you with that part or parts of yourself, Tammy?

SPEAKER_00 39:47

You know, my thing is always fun, right, Tessie? Yes. I want to I feel like this is a big part of like my thing where I feel like I can win here. Like I know that if I do this podcast, I'm just like, if we just keep going, Tessie, we're gonna, we're gonna go all the way. Like it's my thing where I'm like, we're doing it. So this is a big thing for me that I we show up week after week, and then we're just like, let's go. Trust me. Neither Tessie nor I had the time to do this today.

SPEAKER_04 40:14

I love that. I love that. I'm gonna call you Shiffon baby. You do me good. Yeah, like I always call you. I call you the Shifam baby to call it forth.

SPEAKER_00 40:22

Yeah, yeah. And I'm gonna call you Tess. I don't know what to call you. Tess Ann, that's who she is. We should do look here, I'm gonna get the such needs. You have never seen her more like herself than on this podcast. I can tell you that. And I tell her all the time, I'm like, your work in this life is to bridge between the two.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Don't don't say I don't mean public, no. I'm just joking. I'll be away by the distance.

SPEAKER_00 40:55

I'm just joking. She's not, okay, but it's fine. We don't have you don't have to apologize for that.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

How are you? You asked me a question. How are you going to be accessing parts of Little Tess that you wanna keep around, stick around, return to?

SPEAKER_04 41:12

Oh, there are a few things that I would love to access from Little Tess. Number one being Little Test did not give zero. Yeah. You know what? And another thing is play.

SPEAKER_00 41:26

Hmm.

SPEAKER_04 41:27

And it's you looking at me like I I almost why you said that why you said because I almost said I want to play a little. I yesterday I had the most impromptu football game with the girls and the dog. And honestly, I forgot that I like to play. And when I mean play, I grew up with We played with two big brothers. So I I never just played, I was a rough yan, right, Tami.

SPEAKER_00 41:52

We played all the time. We made we played make believe, we played um teacher, we played um airport, we played.

SPEAKER_04 42:00

Yeah, we used to visit each other at each other's apartment.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

We played.

SPEAKER_04 42:05

And I love that. And I want to do that more, and I want to be less urgent in life. I find that I'm if everything is very stressful or very cool. Rigid. I don't want to be so rigid. I need to flow a little better. And you know, little tests, she could hang. Yeah, she didn't care if the room was dirty, she did not, and she didn't care if this was a mess. She didn't care if we were late. Still don't care about that.

SPEAKER_00 42:34

I get that is still stressed out about those things too.

SPEAKER_04 42:37

Yeah, but it's just like, okay, like I don't want to be so yeah, you use the right word, rigid.

SPEAKER_00 42:44

Or uptight, or uptight, or so tightly wound. Tightly wound. That's how I feel too. I think a lot of people can relate to that. Yeah, I want to remember in every moment that this is not that serious.

SPEAKER_04 42:56

Yes, and I don't know when it became so serious. When we did that for pay bills this morning, JPS is like it is that serious, yeah. But meaning that no, but you know, like you're getting dressed in the morning and you get in the babies dressed and you do it, and you're just like, come on, come on. And I'm just like, why? We're gonna be late, it's gonna be fine. It's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:17

And we're passing on that those behaviors really.

SPEAKER_04 43:20

You know, I don't want it to be. We had this whole conversation about hype of vigilant, you know, being like that creates this kind of like your kids are gonna be like, oh, what mood is she in today? You know, and trying to assess that in their little brains on how to combat that. So I don't know how we got on this topic. Let's wrap it up.

SPEAKER_00 43:37

It's a good one. The best conversations that happen on any podcast are always the side conversations and never about the actual like questions or anything.

SPEAKER_04 43:48

So it's true. I want to be a little less urgent in life. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

Just flow. I think we've had a lot of good food for thought today. And I hope we've given you all a lot of good food for thought today. And As we said, we hope that as you move forward in your week, you're not thinking so much about who you're becoming or in pursuit of that, but rather who you're returning to. Some part of you that already exists. So, yeah, think about that as you go along for your week. And we can't wait to hear from you guys in the comments. As always, don't forget to like. What's the next other one?

SPEAKER_03 44:26

Click. Comment.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Remember we were Simba. He said it.

SPEAKER_04 44:38

He said it. He did. He said it. Move us a no one thing or two. Himarika here.

SPEAKER_03 44:46

He lives in you. He lives in you.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Tessie, take us up with that song, ready, go on.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

The war things and the something of night.

SPEAKER_00 44:55

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:56

And the spirit of life. Call it Mamila. And the voice with the fear of a child answers Eokay. He lives in you. Bamba He lives in me. He watches over everything I see. Into the water, into the truth, in your reflection. He lives in you. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

He believes in you. I love that. I know the song says he lives in you, but I just gave me goosebumps to remember that.

unknown 45:47

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

We're already there.

SPEAKER_04 45:49

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

We love you guys, and we hope that we'll see you next week again. Tell a friend to tell a friend to come join the circle. Come join the fun right here on Seen and Heard. Bye guys.